Mothering Off the Cuff

What is it about the drop-off/pick-up line at school that is SO hard to understand? There are too many moms and dads that haven’t figured out how it works. I imagine they pull into the school driveway and start breaking out in sweat. It’s confusing, a lane of cars, going in one direction, kids getting out of the cars, they are lost. I’m here to explain it to them, get them through it and get us out of the black hole that is the elementary school parking lot.

It’s quite simple, in the mornings, you drop your kids off. Here’s the rundown.

1. You pull in one of the two lanes, drive slowly to the front of the line and stop, completely.
2. You let your kid open the door, on their own. You don’t have to get out and open it for them, if they are in school, they probably know how to open a car door. More than likely, they probably know how to close it too.
3. You stay in the driver’s seat, just sit there.  The kid opens the door and gets out.  At this point it is acceptable for you to yell “I love you!” or “Have a great day!” I usually go with “Best day ever!”
4. The kid shuts the door, you’re still in the driver’s seat, not moving.
5. This is a big one – Once your kid has cleared the car, you can go! That’s right, once your kid is headed to their class, you can move out of the way for other parents, who need to drop their kids off. You don’t have to watch your kids walk to their class. I know you do it, you strain your neck and hope to catch that last fading glimpse of your angel.  Don’t do it. Just leave, quickly.  There are other moms, like me, that just want to get our kids out of the car and get out of the parking lot.  We love our kids, but dropping them off at school is like, well, a high point in the day. We’ll have a few hours of quiet and a break from referring fights.
6. Another pointer, don’t sit there and talk to the teacher, about your kid’s last report card. Traffic is backing up behind you and you look like an idiot.  The teacher doesn’t look too happy that you waited to talk to her in 25 degree weather in the drop-off lane.  Just go, already.

There are other moms, like me, that are behind you and we NEED to get our kids out of the car.  We are

I graduated from college in 2008.  It was an accomplishment that took a while thanks to kids, Army wife life and pretty much any other obstacle you can imagine.  However, it wasn’t enough and so I’m doing it again! This time it is a post graduate program that will enable me to teach. That’s right, I’m going to use the history degree to teach high school kids.

I love history! I think it is extremely important that kids come away from high school knowing  the REAL events of how our country has evolved over the last two centuries. I also believe they aren’t being taught enough to carry on a competent conversation about the way our country works.  I hope that I can help them learn the basics and maybe they’ll stop jumping on just any bandwagon and think things through.

1. It’s not about what gets published in People, Star or other entertainment magazines.  Sure, it’s fun to read these mags and peek into the parts of celebrity lives they want us to see.  However, this isn’t important in the big scheme of things.
2. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook and the rest of social networking is a curse and a blessing.  These are tools that politicians, celebrities and even normal people can use to get the word out and incite social change.  However, it isn’t a way to get rich quick and young people need to stop believing that one viral video or tweet is going to give them their dream career.  Media is vital in our world today, partially because it changed the way our country views war and other social issues.
3. We need to teach them about the last 50 to 70 years in our country.  Girls need to know that it wasn’t until the 1970′s that they were able to have credit in their own name. 9/11 wasn’t the first time someone blew up the World Trade Center.  High gas prices are nothing new. Public demonstrations and rallies are what changed the course of our country from civil rights to war.
4. Kids need to learn the basics of our Declaration of Independence and Constitution. I believe they need to know why our forefathers wanted freedom of religion and why they had to include the right to bear arms.  They need to know why issues like cruel and unusual punishment were part of the original United States Constitution.
5. If a student graduates from high school they need to know how to write a paper. This includes proper grammar and punctuation. They need to know how to find valid information. Wikipedia is NOT a credible source. While it is a good place to find basic information, it isn’t valid. They need to learn what makes a source valid, how to check out the motives behind groups that publish certain information and that just because it was published doesn’t make it true. It’s basic knowledge and kids these days believe anything just because it is on the internet.

I could go on, but I won’t bore you with more gripes about how our current school system is failing our kids when it comes to history and social studies.  My hope is that I’ll finish up this teaching program quickly and find a position where I can help kids learn more.

These are lofty goals for a mom who still has three loads of laundry to fold, two bathrooms to clean and still hasn’t figured out how to keep the dog from eating cat poop.

It’s been a while since my last post, things have been a little crazy here. I made the decision to go back to school. I’m working toward a Social Science Master’s Degree, so I can be a high school teacher. It will only take about 16 -18 months. I realized it is the right time in my life to do this. Army life is not always conducive to school, but I quit making excuses and decided to just go for it.

I started asking myself a question, “Is it worth it?” In everything I do, I ask this question and it’s helped me gain a little perspective.  Some things may seem insignificant or they may seem like they aren’t negative, but are they really worth it? The friends you spend time with, the time you spend on the internet, where you spend your money, where you work, your hobbies…these are just some things that aren’t worth it all the time.  Do they cause more stress or more drama than they are worth? If something is causing more trouble than it’s worth, it’s probably time to leave it behind and move along.

It’s been a little over six months since Ben returned from his last deployment and it feels like we’re still getting adjusted. This is the longest he’s been home without going anywhere. It is isn’t as easy as you would think to have a semi-normal schedule with someone who’s never been around this much.  He’s out of town for a little bit and it may sound crazy, but I’m glad for the break.  We needed some time apart. It’s gonna be awesome doing less laundry, not having to clean as much and a break from the video games.

Here I am, gearing up for the holiday season, reminding myself that I am smart enough to go back to school and training a puppy.  Meet our newest family member, Grace or Gracie Bell or &%@# dog.  She’s an English Mastiff and right now she is five months old and about 60 pounds.  She’s the best dog ever, when she isn’t eating cat poop or chasing the cats.

She's taken over the sofa.

This is her position 75% of the time. She's the laziest puppy, ever.

My sweet girl.

As an Army wife I know what it’s like to feel support from friends and strangers whether we are going through a deployment or my husband is home.  It means the world to me to have someone say thank you or ask if they can send over a meal. Many times just reading a card of encouragement made my day a little better.  That is why I’m excited to be part of Cheerios and the USO “Send ‘Cheer’ to Military Families.

Did you know? There are more than 1.4 million active duty military members supported by more than 3.6 million family members, and 70 percent of married active duty military members have children.

Cheerios® and the USO are partnering to send “Cheer” to military families to thank and encourage them for their commitment to our country.  Specially marked boxes of Cheerios cereal will feature “Cheer” postcards, which can be cut out and mailed to military families through a partnership with the USO.  Even more, for each postcard received, Cheerios will donate $1 to the USO to help support programs for military families.  Cheerios has already donated $150,000 and will donate up to an additional $100,000 based upon the number of postcards received by November 30, 2012.

Cheerios invites you to show your appreciation by sending a simple “thank you” using the “Cheer” postcard found on the front of specially marked boxes of Cheerios in stores through mid-November.

How Does the Program Work?
Locate a specially marked Cheerios cereal box in your grocery store.  After purchasing the box, there are just 3 easy steps!

1. Cut out the postcard found on the front of the box.  You will see cut out lines around the “Cheer” in the Cheerios logo.
2. On the back-side of the postcard, write a message of encouragement or a simple “thank you.”
3. Add postage, and drop the pre-addressed post card in the mail.

Once the postcards are received, the USO will distribute them to military families on bases and in USO centers.  Sending your ‘thanks’ is a simple, personal gesture of appreciation that will mean so much for the recipient.

Be on the look out for these special Cheerios boxes.  You can send words of encouragement to a military family and help raise money for the USO, a vital organization that helps military members and families.  

Send Some Cheer to a Military Family!

Today I was listening to an old playlist while running errands. “Been a Long Day” by Rosi Golan came on and I was instantly drawn into everything that has happened in the last few weeks, years, decades. I thought about where I’ve been, what I’ve seen, who I’ve met.

This whole looking back sort of started when I found out my high school chorus is doing an alumni show next year. High school ended for me 14 years ago. I know, I look much younger than that, but really 14 years have passed since I stepped out with a cardboard square on my head and vowed to make a difference and never look back.

The next few years were fun and full.

• I moved out of my small town as soon as I could.
• I visited Central America to work with poor kids.
• I got engaged, I broke it off.
• I got wild and crazy.
• I settled down and started to focus.
• I reconnected with a soldier and married him.
• I moved out of my state, all the way across the country to Washington State.
• I fell in love with the Pacific Northwest.  The rain was refreshing, the views of Mount Rainer were spectacular & the Puget Sound  became one of my “happy” places.
• I thought we’d have a few fun years camping, traveling and enjoying life.
• 9/11 Happened and his job got a lot more complicated.
• He and his Army brothers went away to war.
• He and his Army brothers came home, changed.  I can’t explain this one, they were all different, older, more solemn and they all drank more. I thought this wasn’t possible, but it is.
• I gave birth to my oldest son.  We didn’t plan on him, but having him was like winning the lottery.
• We moved to beautiful Monterey, California and fell in love with the Pacific Ocean, learned how awful seals are and fell in love with the laid back ways of Pacific Grove and Carmel by the Sea.
• He went back to war, again, and again, and again.
• He came back and we moved to beautiful Colorado. We woke up to the Rocky Mountains and Pikes Peak and decided we wanted to stay here as long as we could.
• He went to war. He came home, changed even more so.
• I gave birth to my second son and realized that I could love more than I ever thought possible.
• We faced challenges that I wouldn’t wish on any couple. We worked through them and found each other again.
•  He went to war. He came home.
• I began working a job I love and writing more than I ever had.
• We’re learning to live together again.

We all look back on September 11, 2001 with different memories. We remember where we were, who we were with, who we were without, how we heard about the tragedy, how it changed our lives. I was a newly married Army wife. My husband was overseas, training, I had not talked to him in days. My sister called me as soon as the first plane hit. I saw the second plane hit. I instantly knew life would never be the same for us. A few short months later my husband was in Afghanistan, avenging the deaths of American citizens.

Today I realized my children were born into a war they know very little about. They have a father who has always been gone. He’s a soldier, they are children of the Army. They never knew the life before 9/11. They have never known a life with a father at home. They know he fights to help the people who cannot fight for themselves and he “gets” the bad guys.

As a child, I never thought we’d have a prolonged war, a war that seemingly has no end. Our kids have no concept of a world without war. When my husband talks about his buddies, it always includes the dates where they were deployed and stories of their time over there. We talk about before and after deployments as periods of time when life was different. We live our lives separately and that is our normal. Even though it has been 10 years, sometimes it is still a new normal to us. For our boys, it is the only normal they’ve known.

Their father and his friends are changed by the multiple deployments. Some of his friends have died, lost arms and legs, lost their minds. All of this because of a terrorist attack that happened one day in September, 2001. Our life is what it is today because of those attacks. Our children wait for their dad to come home, cling to him when he is here and hope he’s home for more than a few months – all because of that one day.

They don’t ask for recognition or accolades. They don’t expect to be treated differently. They have no idea how much they give up as children of the Army. They know how to respect the flag. They have seen Veterans and relate these men to their father. They have “uncles” who were adopted into our family because they work with Dad. These guys are from all over the country and we are brought together, as a family because of the Army. They have an education that 99% of American children will never get.

They see soldiers differently than children who’ve never lived with a soldier. They see them as a father, uncle, friends. These people are part of our normal life. I remember when my son was about 4-years-old he asked me, why his friend’s dad wasn’t away catching bad guys, “Isn’t that what dads do?”

Their normal has been defined by September 11, 2001. They aren’t fragile, they are resilient. They don’t need pity, just support. One day they’ll grow up and realize how important they were to their fathers. They are the reason their fathers went off to get the bad guys. When their fathers came home, they came home to a family that loved them. They came home to children who didn’t know the things they had seen. The children who will always know what it was like to have a father who is a hero.

When I was growing up spanking wasn’t a bad thing. I was only spanked when I did something blatantly wrong. I received very few spankings, but I know they worked. I was never abused or hit in anger and I am thankful my parents loved and cared about me enough to discipline me. That’s why I believe spanking works and I spank my boys. I’ll give you a few seconds to pick your jaw up off the floor and I’ll explain myself.

My husband and I only spank when the boys have shown clear defiance and after they’ve been warned. For instance: My son was told not to ride his bike in the road. He did it once and I asked him not to do it again or else he would have to stop riding his bike and would have a spanking, because it is dangerous. A few minutes later he was in the road. I sent him to his room. I explained why he was in trouble and that I was spanking him because I told him he would have a spanking if he went in the street and I’m not a liar. He got two spanks on the behind, with his pants on, and then I tod him I didn’t like to spank him, but there are consequences when we do wrong. Other times I take away iPods or say no TV or video games. Spanking isn’t the only form of discipline I use, in fact it’s the one I use the least. I rarely have to spank my kids.

The internet and parenting section at the bookstore is full of advice about why you should never spank. There are plenty of people who don’t spank and aren’t afraid to call out those parents who do spank. One mom recently wrote about why she doesn’t believe in spanking and all but called those of us who spank, bad parents. I recently read an article from the American Academy of Pediatrics that says corporal punishment is detrimental to a child and will cause them all kinds of problems in the future. I had to laugh because I know plenty of people who were spanked and grew up to be strong members of society.

There are times I find support for spanking as discipline. I read about a study that showed Sweden’s ban on spanking didn’t result in better parenting.In fact, child abuse skyrocketed and “After a decade of the ban, “rates of physical child abuse in Sweden had risen to three times the U.S. rate” and teens who had grown up under the spanking ban were more violent and youth criminal assaults had increased dramatically.

Dr. Diana Baumrind of the University of California, Berkeley spent over 10 years in what many experts claim was “the most extensive and methodologically thorough child development study yet done.” She revealed that her study showed spanking “can be helpful in certain contexts and discovered “no evidence for unique detrimental effects of normative physical punishment. She also found that children who were never spanked tended to have behavioral problems, and were not more competent than their peers.”

I would never advocate abuse and there is a line between spanking and abuse. Hitting a child in anger is never right. Grabbing their hand to pull them out of oncoming traffic and swatting them on the behind is a quick way to remind them to stay with their parent. I’m sure we all agree abuse is unacceptable. Yelling and screaming is just as bad as hitting a child in anger. We can’t say that spanking doesn’t work. I’d be willing to bet most of us could say we were spanked as children and grew up to be good people.

There will always be the parents who take discipline to the extreme. There will always be studies to show spanking is bad or spanking is fine. When it comes down to it, we have to do what works for our family. So, I ask you: Do you spank? Are you against spanking?