I said WHAT?

“Don’t put the hockey helmet on the dog!”

“Don’t lock you brother and the dog in the dog kennel!”

“Stop painting the dog with nail polish!”

“Don’t put glue in the bathtub!”

I realized today that I say tons of weird stuff that I NEVER thought I would say.  Thanks to children my speech has changed.  I never talked baby talk, I always thought it was weird.  I had long conversations over a breastfeeding session with a 14 month old.  Some of the things I said, I’ll probably never say again, until I have grandchildren, then I figure I’ll let them do what they want just to get back at my kids.  So I’m listing some of my favorite momisms, what are yours?

“Don’t pee on the dog!”

“Who put spiderman in the toilet?”

“Cool superman toy, can you go show the dogs?”

“What is this red gook in my hair?”

“Is that poop on the TV?”

I promise these are all lines coined by me directed toward my children.  This is why I am a full time mother, Life cannot be any better than this!

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3 thoughts on “I said WHAT?

  1. 1. “If you will just sit still for half a second, I can get the basket off of your head!”

    2. “I don’t know if an lion can eat a shark.”

    3. “No, this isn’t your make-up brush, yours is over there”

    4. “Officer, I was going to make him stop driving and put him in his carseat when we left the neighborhood, I promise!”

    5. “For heaven’s sakes, if you are going to wear my high heels, make sure they match!”

    6. “No, you cannot wear your little brother’s diapers, you are five years old!”

    7. “Yes,that is interesting that it gets bigger and then smaller.” (you can guess what he was referring to)

    8. “Stop letting the dog lick your tongue!”

  2. Hysterical, Gwen! If we can laugh at our routine it makes life so much more liveable. God has a sense of humor and I am so glad that He gave that to us. Good writing. Keep it up! May He bless you and your family. Bruce W.

  3. Here are some recent and/or common things I find myself saying:
    1. Definition of “cocksucker.”
    2. Defintion of “dickhead.”
    3. Reasons why little boys don’t say those words and why mommy does.
    4. You’re going to wake up Daddy/Noah/Tessa/Tripp.
    5. You can’t have my make-up. You’re 3 and already have more than me.
    6. Put some clothes on, for heaven’s sake!
    7. Stop peeing off the porch!
    8. It’s okay to touch it, but only if you’re alone in your room.

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