I was always a social butterfly. I enjoyed being with people, hosting parties, participating in various groups and organizations, but lately, not so much. I have many friends, scattered around the world and most of them are close and dear friends. They are people I grew to love like family during deployments, through tough times and in better times. I wish I could gather all of these dear friends and have them close to me, in proximity, because I believe we are close in heart.
Here in Colorado, I have one friend that I talk to and see on a regular basis. She is the one person I trust completely to listen to my rants and raves without recommending I be committed to the nuthouse. I trust her with my deepest feelings and know she will sympathize with me and give me her opinion without hating me if I don’t follow it. I know I have other friends here, but I’m not feeling too friendly. I have become centered around my family because of the Army.
My husband just returned home after eight months and we know he’ll be leaving in the fall. I am trying to embrace every minute. I want my kids to spend all the time they can with their Dad, because he’s leaving again. That is my first excuse.
My second excuse is that I am starting to withhold emotional attachments because those people will be moving soon. It happens, it always happens, you get to know someone and have a bond and then poof! they are gone or you are gone. I shouldn’t complain about that because I know that even though we are apart there is always a chance we’ll be back together. Most of my Army friends are the kind that I could pick up where we left off and never miss a beat.
I am tired, I’m just tired. Tired of putting myself out their, tired of losing relationships to distance, tired of being too open for some people. I think I’m in a waiting place, you know the one Dr. Seuss talks about:
The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come,
or a plane to go or the mail to come,
or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls,
or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying.
You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a girl!
So, I’m waiting and using this time to be a better friend to the friends I have. After all, if I’m not careful it could be the wasting place. A place where I’m wasting time, resources and myself without gaining anything. I’m growing into the kind of person I would want to be friends with. Hopefully, soon, I’ll move out of the waiting place and find where I’m suppose to be next, because right now, I’m a little unsure.
To all my friends, near and far, I say thank you for being my friend and please don’t give up on me, I’ll be back around soon enough and you won’t be able to get rid of me!