Long Distance Lovers

This is not something I would normally write about, but I think most Military wives think about it.  Keeping your spouse “satisfied” from 7,000 miles away is tough.  Skype is helpful, chatting feels naughty and dirty emails are good, but after so many it’s hard to keep it “fresh.”  I know you know what it’s like, keeping an active sex life can be challenging even when they are in the bed next to you.

I know this might be too much information for some.  It’s tough for me to admit, but I’m not the best long distance lover.  I’m not fond of dirty talk or sexting or webcam intercourse.  However, this time around I really want to be there for my husband in every way.  I want to keep him excited and interested.  It isn’t my norm, it isn’t what I’d choose, but part of me believes that I need to be engaging and involved as much as possible.

After too many trips, to too many places, this is something I have to face and focus on.  It’s a small part of my job as a good wife.  For the most part, I don’t think most military wives like to talk about it.  It’s almost a taboo subject, but I can guarantee more wives think about it than would like to admit.

I’m not asking you for advice, unless you feel comfortable giving it, then please advise! I just want to tell you I’m thinking about it. If phone sex lines can stay afloat, those on the receiving end must be saying something to keep callers satisfied.  Porn between a married couple isn’t bad, in fact I would say it is what can keep both parties into each other.

So, there you go, my little secret no more.  If you are brave enough comment or shoot me an email telling me how you, as a couple deal with long term separation and sex.


2 thoughts on “Long Distance Lovers

  1. Gwen,

    Totally get this. We get bored with the same old same old as well. How do you keep a spark going when he is always gone and you are always trying to figure out who he and you are again when he is home?

    Here are a few things we do:

    1. role play on Skype or IM, strangers just meeting and so on.
    2. I buy a silly fantasy costume for his return, it leads to fun conversations before his return and then more fun when he comes home. Plus it lowers the expectation factor of that homecoming. We don’t have to be us, and it makes us giggle later. 🙂

    I would love to hear what others are doing. I know I could use some more ideas after as many separations as we have been through.


  2. I love that you posted this. This is wonderful. I have a “Surviving Separation” series that I do and have often wanted to have the nerve to post something like this. Not that I won’t in the future, I’m just not sure I want to right now.


    I also did a series called the 5 Best Kept Christian Sex Secrets – which was just something fun and light-hearted. http://www.halleethehomemaker.com/category/love/sex/

    But as for long distance sex, I think that is something that military wives just really need to talk about and don’t. It’s like it’s shameful or unheard of to have phone sex with the husband who is 8,000 miles away.

    As far as advice goes, the first thing that came to mind is don’t substitute your husband and don’t let him substitute you. Don’t get your romantic kicks from romance novels, erotic stories, chick flicks; don’t tolerate him getting his from port sites or dirty magazines. Keep it between you two – which keeps your sex life pure.

    Another one is a hard one for me. My husband loves lingerie – and loves me in it. I’m not a size 6 anymore (3 kids later), and it’s hard for me to accept that he loves the way I look. When I get a new Fredericks of Hollywood order and take a picture for my husband, it is extremely difficult for me to like the picture and send it to him. I do it, but I don’t like it. He, in turn, loves love loves it. So, be comfortable with your body enough to share it with your husband, even when he’s so far away.

    Keeping it fresh is hard. We’re on consecutive year 2 right now. I just try to do different things. Stories, pictures, one-liners, fantasies, webcam. I don’t delude him with everything at one time in one week. And I tell him when I’m missing him, wanting him, needing him — he needs to hear that as much as “I love you.”


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