My Lament

la·ment

verb (used with object)

1. to feel or express sorrow or regret for: to lament his absence.
2. to mourn for or over.
 verb (used without object)

3. to feel, show, or express grief, sorrow, or regret.
4. to mourn deeply.
I’ve been trying to find a way to explain how I feel lately.  The beginning of the year has been wonderful for me.  I let go of some bad habits, started some new good ones and I’m working on letting go.  However, along with the new, I have memories of the past.  I’m not talking about just the past few years, but over a span of the last ten to twelve years.  I’ve recognized that there were some pretty awesome people in my life and I just let them go. They haven’t died, they just aren’t part of my life.
I can’t go back and change it.  I messed up and it’s taken me this long to realize I let some incredible people get away. I can’t regret it, because it wouldn’t change anything and I’d feel bad constantly.  I decided that lament was the best way to describe how I feel.
To lament is comparable to mourning. We mourn when someone close to us dies. I am mourning the loss of people I genuinely loved and who loved me back.  I do not believe I’ll ever get them back. That is why I lament over my loss.
There is a period for mourning.  The Jewish religion practices mourning for 30 days. Shiva is the primary mourning period that lasts for seven days.  Following shiva, there is a secondary period of mourning called sheloshim, meaning 30, because it lasts for 30 days. After 30 days it ends, it is over, they are done.
I have finally come to terms with the loss of friends and have grieved over their absence.  The lamenting has taught me to take hold of friends and work on relationships, even when it seems difficult.  Make the time to be with them. Learn to understand them. If just one part of me feels like losing them would be wrong, I’ll make the commitment to stick it out. I don’t want to lament any more friends.
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